Beauty from Ashes

So as a mother..I began from day one praying for my children (as I'm sure many of you have done)...for who they would one day marry...who they would become...that they would serve Jesus Christ all of their life...etc. But as you're praying that you never think that they won't get married or won't live long enough to know who Jesus is...but that's what we experienced. So now looking back on my prayers for Brady...were those wasted prayers? He never even fulfilled what I was praying for? God knew from day one that he wouldn't fulfill any of them. But obviously that wasn't his purpose here on earth either, and only God knew that. So I do think it's ok to still pray for your children...and I continue to do so, however now I tend to pray that their lives would reflect Christ...and everything would be His will. I also pray very specifically for them in the future, but I realize now that God answers prayers sometimes differently then we expect...and it's all in His will.

Psalm 54:2, "Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth."
And He does hear us when we pray....EVERY word.

So like I mentioned in the previous post, we found out we were pregnant. Anxiously waiting to find out what we were having...not that it mattered girl or boy, but we needed to follow up with our immunologist and devise a plan for this baby. If Brady had an immunodefiency that was genetic...we could have a 50% chance of passing on to any future boys. However if we had a girl, she would not have the disorder but could potentially be a carrier. So we would definately be relieved if it was indeed a girl.
So I was tested to see if this was genetic...trusting and praying the whole waiting peroid that this was a part of God's plan no matter the outcome. I was totally calm!
It was NOT genetic...praise God!
I also mentioned before that if we had a girl i thought it would be easier because I could pack up all the boy things, and not have to be reminded as much of our sweet little Brady. Luke had mentioned however that a boy would be better because then it would blur the memories just a little, between the boys, so it wouldn't be so hard. So I guess we were ok with whatever and only God knew what was best for us.
We found out we were having a boy...and to be honest I was shocked! Are you sure? Can you check again? Haha...I was like, "ok God you must know this is best!"
I still re-decorated the room, and was fortunate to receive lots of hand-me-downs from cousins so I did not need to dig out Brady's old clothes, that reminded me so much of him.
All we could do regarding the medical issues, was wait now until he was born and have blood work done on him as soon as he arrived. And pray for his health!

Now this part is neat! I can remember that in the days and weeks to follow Brady's death, that I repeatedly prayed for God to "bring him back." In my sadness and desperation, that was my cry to the Lord. And today looking at Walker (our 10 month old now), I can say that God DID bring him back (in the only way physically possible)...when He blessed us with Walker. Walker is different and special in his own way, and we will always have that void where Brady once was, however I look at him and realize that God answered my prayer and brought him back to me. They look very similar...more so than Aiden did to either of them. And their personalities are so very similar...its nice to have that back. We will forever miss Brady, but are so very thankful for the glimpse we still have of him in our little Walker.

Ok so one final closing thought and song...singing worship songs at church was a little hard for a while..and most of the time I just stood there and sang them in my heart, (holding back the tears)...not outwardly. But the most difficult song for me to sing was, In Christ Alone. Im still not sure exactly why...i can't even say that the lyrics pertain to what I went through, but it's such a powerful song, and God moved me as I listened. Maybe it's because it has to do with Christ's death and how He was glorified through his death, and what a victorious resurrection came out of His death...and that Jesus commands our destiny; here are the words:

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:

Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.