July 2008

This is going to be a tough story to write, and to hear on your end, however you have to know what happened in order to understand how God's strength and peace are sustaining us.

This part will begin July 4th weekend, 2008: Lucas and I had 2 beautiful boys, Aiden-3, and Brady-15 months. We had a fun-packed weekend...up at Green Pond Lake for the 4th, to PA visiting family on the 5th, church on Sunday and more fun at the lake. Then VBS began that following Monday, so the kids and I were off to help that morning. Brady came down with something that day...I thought at first it could be teething, because he had a low grade fever and was cranky. But the next morning his fever was higher and he threw up, so I was definately not going to make it to VBS...we all stayed home. The next day, Lucas was working from home and told me that he would watch Brady and for Aiden and I to go out and have some fun. So we headed to the mall (that sounds like fun to me!) In the mean-time Lucas's father had a mini-heart attack... (i guess it's mini because there was no permenant damage), and was still in the hospital coming home later that day (Wednesday). I remember saying to myself in the car on the way home from the mall, "wow I'm glad God knows how much we can handle because this week is rough, and I don't think I could handle any more (sick kid, in-law in the hospital, VBS, strife with a friend)." Wow did I say that too soon...I had NO idea what was ahead. Also the week prior I had a song that kept playing in my head, and I seemed to hear a lot on the radio; "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me. You should listen to it sometime if you have never heard it; so anyway, God brought the rain.

When I got home Lucas said that maybe we should take Brady to the Dr. because he had been sleeping all morning and hadn't really gotten up to play or do anything. So we all took him to the pediatrician. I was worried about dehydration, as well as the fever. The Dr. said to either go get fluids at the ER or go home and get him to drink more. I decided I wanted to take him then to the ER so that we would fix the issue and be home by night-time. So off we went. We handed over Aiden in the parking lot to my in-laws as they were leaving the hospital and they took him home. We waited and waited in that ER with Brady, and watched as the fluids were not perking him up at all. So we were all stumped...a little 15 month old...laying there and not caring about all the needles going into him was a little disturbing. The last test they did to try and figure it out was a spinal tap, which clearly showed infection. So they determined he had a form of meningitis. Ok...so now what? They admitted us to the PICU with strong doses of IV antibiotics. That night we didn't get much sleep...Lucas and I traded off sleeping in the room with Brady and sleeping in the Ronald McDonald room, which we were blessed to have.

Ok so I don't need to drag this part on....he was diagnosed with a RARE form of bacterial meningitis; HIB meningitis. This kind is what children are vaccinated against...so why did our little Brady get this?? Well with further research they found out he had some sort of immunodeficiency in which he did not create antibodies to this vaccine (it never worked-because of his own body, not a defect in the vaccine). So the Dr. told us we would be staying in the hospital for at least 2 weeks, to ensure he gets enough antibiotics. Ok...it was alright for a day or two and then it got hard to shower, eat and stay there all the time. However we were both dedicated to loving our little boy and getting him better! Lucas even worked there full time- he never left the hospital to work- which was amazing to have his support there. I kind of felt like I was in my own bubble, and the world was going on around me...and for me time had stopped.

So long story short we stayed there for the length that was required and finally by the end of the stay our little boy was smiling a little bit again and eating a little. We went WAY backwards folks developmentally, from running at home before he got sick to not being able to sit on his own anymore. So we were preparing for a long road ahead with therapists and needing a specialist to find out more about this immunodeficiency and what long-term care that would require. We were SO happy to be going home. We had an amazing support system, between family, friends and church. Things were going pretty well at home...it was nice to have Aiden back ( i missed him so much and felt guilty for not being with him). We went home on a Monday...and by Wednesday Brady got a little crankier. It was bath time that night so Lucas and I went up to get the kids ready. It was then that we noticed Brady's leg shaking...hmmm...so we called the pediatrician. He said its probably a localized seizure and to go back to the ER so they can check him out and make sure everything is fine.

I am not going into details of that night, but we went back...i felt sooo sick to my stomach that whole time, and Brady threw up the whole way back to the hospital. Were we really going back...or was I imagining things??? I wanted to stay home. We waited and they did more tests, CAT-scan, blood work, spinal, and things did not make much sense to the Dr.s because they were seeing much wrong. However things spiraled down from there, Brady ended up seizing non-stop and ended back in the PICU...they began CPR on him as soon as he got up to the floor...and Lucas and I moved into a private room, while they did their work on him. We waited an hour or so until we received gut-wrenching news...he was not going to make it, he was on a breathing machine, and his brain activity was next to nothing. I didn't not even know how to compose myself, as you can imagine. Its even weird to write all this down, in a way you re-live the events.

We were thankful to have our in-laws there with us, and my parents were on their way...as fast as they could. We prayed and read the Bible...through many tears and sobs...all night long. We also went in to be with him a few times...pray with him through tears and sang "Jesus loves me" one last time. I will never forget the last time I touched his sweet little hands and stared at them, hoping to never forget what they looked like; and i still remember them to this day. Our little Brady Isaiah went to be with Jesus a little before 6 am July 24th, 2008 (his 16 month birthday). That was the day my heart broke.

I do not know how we drove home that morning... God's grace. I don't want to end this blog on such a sad note...so I want to include some of the scriptures we clung to those few days after this tragic event.
Job 1:21, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there, the LORD gave and LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Isaiah 40:31, "Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."
Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."


Mark 10:14, "..."Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

We did not understand the reasoning yet, but we were living in God's will for us at the time, and we were ok with that...trusting Him...but at the same time it hurt...a lot.