Thursday, February 18, 2010

July 2008










This is going to be a tough story to write, and to hear on your end, however you have to know what happened in order to understand how God's strength and peace are sustaining us.

This part will begin July 4th weekend, 2008: Lucas and I had 2 beautiful boys, Aiden-3, and Brady-15 months. We had a fun-packed weekend...up at Green Pond Lake for the 4th, to PA visiting family on the 5th, church on Sunday and more fun at the lake. Then VBS began that following Monday, so the kids and I were off to help that morning. Brady came down with something that day...I thought at first it could be teething, because he had a low grade fever and was cranky. But the next morning his fever was higher and he threw up, so I was definately not going to make it to VBS...we all stayed home. The next day, Lucas was working from home and told me that he would watch Brady and for Aiden and I to go out and have some fun. So we headed to the mall (that sounds like fun to me!) In the mean-time Lucas's father had a mini-heart attack... (i guess it's mini because there was no permenant damage), and was still in the hospital coming home later that day (Wednesday). I remember saying to myself in the car on the way home from the mall, "wow I'm glad God knows how much we can handle because this week is rough, and I don't think I could handle any more (sick kid, in-law in the hospital, VBS, strife with a friend)." Wow did I say that too soon...I had NO idea what was ahead. Also the week prior I had a song that kept playing in my head, and I seemed to hear a lot on the radio; "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me. You should listen to it sometime if you have never heard it; so anyway, God brought the rain.



When I got home Lucas said that maybe we should take Brady to the Dr. because he had been sleeping all morning and hadn't really gotten up to play or do anything. So we all took him to the pediatrician. I was worried about dehydration, as well as the fever. The Dr. said to either go get fluids at the ER or go home and get him to drink more. I decided I wanted to take him then to the ER so that we would fix the issue and be home by night-time. So off we went. We handed over Aiden in the parking lot to my in-laws as they were leaving the hospital and they took him home. We waited and waited in that ER with Brady, and watched as the fluids were not perking him up at all. So we were all stumped...a little 15 month old...laying there and not caring about all the needles going into him was a little disturbing. The last test they did to try and figure it out was a spinal tap, which clearly showed infection. So they determined he had a form of meningitis. Ok...so now what? They admitted us to the PICU with strong doses of IV antibiotics. That night we didn't get much sleep...Lucas and I traded off sleeping in the room with Brady and sleeping in the Ronald McDonald room, which we were blessed to have.

Ok so I don't need to drag this part on....he was diagnosed with a RARE form of bacterial meningitis; HIB meningitis. This kind is what children are vaccinated against...so why did our little Brady get this?? Well with further research they found out he had some sort of immunodeficiency in which he did not create antibodies to this vaccine (it never worked-because of his own body, not a defect in the vaccine). So the Dr. told us we would be staying in the hospital for at least 2 weeks, to ensure he gets enough antibiotics. Ok...it was alright for a day or two and then it got hard to shower, eat and stay there all the time. However we were both dedicated to loving our little boy and getting him better! Lucas even worked there full time- he never left the hospital to work- which was amazing to have his support there. I kind of felt like I was in my own bubble, and the world was going on around me...and for me time had stopped.

So long story short we stayed there for the length that was required and finally by the end of the stay our little boy was smiling a little bit again and eating a little. We went WAY backwards folks developmentally, from running at home before he got sick to not being able to sit on his own anymore. So we were preparing for a long road ahead with therapists and needing a specialist to find out more about this immunodeficiency and what long-term care that would require. We were SO happy to be going home. We had an amazing support system, between family, friends and church. Things were going pretty well at home...it was nice to have Aiden back ( i missed him so much and felt guilty for not being with him). We went home on a Monday...and by Wednesday Brady got a little crankier. It was bath time that night so Lucas and I went up to get the kids ready. It was then that we noticed Brady's leg shaking...hmmm...so we called the pediatrician. He said its probably a localized seizure and to go back to the ER so they can check him out and make sure everything is fine.

I am not going into details of that night, but we went back...i felt sooo sick to my stomach that whole time, and Brady threw up the whole way back to the hospital. Were we really going back...or was I imagining things??? I wanted to stay home. We waited and they did more tests, CAT-scan, blood work, spinal, and things did not make much sense to the Dr.s because they were seeing much wrong. However things spiraled down from there, Brady ended up seizing non-stop and ended back in the PICU...they began CPR on him as soon as he got up to the floor...and Lucas and I moved into a private room, while they did their work on him. We waited an hour or so until we received gut-wrenching news...he was not going to make it, he was on a breathing machine, and his brain activity was next to nothing. I didn't not even know how to compose myself, as you can imagine. Its even weird to write all this down, in a way you re-live the events.

We were thankful to have our in-laws there with us, and my parents were on their way...as fast as they could. We prayed and read the Bible...through many tears and sobs...all night long. We also went in to be with him a few times...pray with him through tears and sang "Jesus loves me" one last time. I will never forget the last time I touched his sweet little hands and stared at them, hoping to never forget what they looked like; and i still remember them to this day. Our little Brady Isaiah went to be with Jesus a little before 6 am July 24th, 2008 (his 16 month birthday). That was the day my heart broke.

I do not know how we drove home that morning... God's grace. I don't want to end this blog on such a sad note...so I want to include some of the scriptures we clung to those few days after this tragic event.
Job 1:21, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there, the LORD gave and LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Isaiah 40:31, "Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."
Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."


Mark 10:14, "..."Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

We did not understand the reasoning yet, but we were living in God's will for us at the time, and we were ok with that...trusting Him...but at the same time it hurt...a lot.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Well this is the beginning...

Hello all...this is my first of many blogs about the journey of my life...and how God has been with me every step of the way.

You have to understand I am not a writer, or one who shares my deepest thoughts or feelings with others. However God takes things like that (when we say "I would never share this with others," or "Im totally not a blogger" -which I have said multiple times in the past.) and makes us do them...the exact things we say we are not good at...why? Because then there is no way we can boast in ourselves, but we boast in God- that it is only He that could have done this through us...it's not our own strength.

1 Cor. 1:27-30, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God- that is our righteousness, holiness and redemption."

I have also always said I do not have a good singing voice, so who knows I will probably end up singing on stage at some point...God has a sense of humor!

I also want to explain a little about the title I chose for this blog, "Beauty from Ashes." And no I'm not talking about physical beauty...Isaiah 61:2-3 says,"...to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who greive in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."

There is a song sung by Steven Curtis Chapman that says it all really well, and I was just going to post a section of the song, but the whole thing is good so here it is:

Beauty Will Rise:

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And i watched through the tears as everything
came crashing down
slowly panic turns to pain
as we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left behind

But buried deep beneath
all of our broken dreams
we have this hope

Out of these ashes...beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
we will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes...beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning
in the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now
and let the tears come washing down
and if you can't believe, I will believe for you

Cuz I have seen the signs of spring!
Just watch and see.

I can hear it in the distance
and its not too far away
its the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast
I can almost feel the hand of God
reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away and say
"It's time to make everything new."

"Make it all new."

That's most of the song..its pretty much how my life has been the past couple years..and "beauty will rise." I am pretty determined to find the purpose out of everything that has happened, and I may not know the exact reasons until I get to heaven but until then..God will be glorified and, beauty will come out of the ashes.

I feel that through my life's stories God can be glorified, which is the ultimate goal of this blog; that other's can pray for eachother, be encouraged and pray for me.

In the next blog I will share my story. Stay tuned.... :)